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[III]
Mitsuru wakes up from his nap to find himself staring at a lobster.
He blinked.
Said lobster blinked. Actually, it might be more accurately described as a tic in the eye.
Spotting a familiar tuft of blue hair on what would otherwise have been a perfectly bald red head, he blinked again. “Shinobu?”
“Who did you think it was?” grumbled Shinobu. “The little mermaid? Hurry up, we’ve got a job to do. I want out of this fic.”
“What must we do? The fanfic writers didn’t say anything.”
“It is not so much as what – I – have to do, as much as what you will have to do. What you have to do is kiss a girl. Any girl. Then we can get out of here.” The lobster glances around. “Quick. Firstly we have to find a boat as well as well…
Mitsuru and Shinobu blinked. Far in the distance, a boat suddenly appeared. Dragged by a pink seagull and a resigned looking red-striped flounder.
Mitsuru looked at the duo disbelieving. “Suka?” he stammered. “Shun?”
“Hai sempai.” The pink seagull waved cheerily at the two disbelieving seniors. “We’re in this story too. The fanfic writers thought it might get boring with just the two of you.”
“Boring?” Shinobu narrowed his eyes.
Suka, suddenly realizing the precarious position they were in, quickly intervened. “No, I don’t think they meant it that way.”
(Actually, we did.)
(But Yen, I thought it was just to torture Suka.)
(Hush Mel.)
Suka sweatdrops. Mitsuru brightened visibly.
“Fine.” Shinobu muttered. “As long as you’re here, be useful. Do you have any idea on what we’re supposed to do?”
“Hold on while we consult the script.” From behind their backs, their respective wing and fin dipped into the mysterious cartoon porthole and withdraws stack of sheets.
“Script?” Mitsuru nudged Shinobu, who promptly fell over.
“Whoops, sorry about that. Forgot you were shell-fish.”
For one brief instance, the lobster shimmered into a shellfish before turning back.
Shinobu looked thoughtful, then muttered and righted himself.
“Back to the script, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“I think so Shinobu. But doesn’t this means this fic has already been planned out and that no matter what we do, we have no control over it?”
Shinobu looked astonished. “For a moment there I thought you were going to say something stupid. Like in Pinky and the Brain.”
Then he stopped.
“Where did that idea come from?”
He looked up.
(Sorry. We couldn’t think of anything stupid enough for Mitsuru to say which would be in characters ala Pinky. Anyhow, don’t stop, it was just getting good.)
“Ah there it is!” Distracted, they turned back to the two juniors as Shun started waving the script at them.
Suka started reading slowly. “Mitsuru is to get into a boat.”
Points at said boat with his fin.
“With a girl.”
Looks around, doesn’t notice a girl, shrugs and continues reading.
“And kisses the girl.”
“Doesn’t sound too bad, Shinobu.” Mitsuru commented. “I can…”
“It doesn’t end there.”
“Eh?”
“Shinobu…”
He points at Shinobu with a fin. The boy glanced at Suka. “Suka. We’re not idiots. Could you please read faster?”
Hasukawa looked up and gulped.
“Shinobuistosingthesongprovidedwithaccompanimentfrom – ”
Hasukawa trailed off, eyes rounding in horror.
Shun looked bemused. “Why are you so worried, Suka-chan? It can’t be that tough.”
He looked at his pink-feathered friend. “Shun. The song is in English.”
“NANI?!”
Suddenly, they were very aware of a cold draft. Looking up, they noticed Shinobu radiating *strong* waves of disapproval.
“Err… don’t worry sempai. We’ll do it ourselves. Won’t be much of a trouble right, Suka-chan?” Shun laughed uneasily as he turned to the relevant page.
“Right, Shun,” Suka rolled his eyes. “Right.”
***
“Da-re you see ha-ru, wah-ki-n dah-oon…”
Mitsuru sweatdropped as he listened to a *very* unsuccessful rendition of Kiss the Girl from Disney’s Little Mermaid soundtrack. Whacking them with happy abandon (He’d missed this in the last stage.) he started yelling.
Whack! Whack! Whack! “Come on, you can’t be that dumb!”
“Mitsuru-sempai!!!!”
“Don’t tell me all those hours I wasted on tutoring both of you in English were completely futile. Try again!”
15 minutes later, Shinobu glared at the sky.
“You set me up, didn’t you?”
Sky flushes a bright red in answer.
“Don’t worry, sempai, we will try our best,” pacified the pink seagull nervously, watching the normally passive and calm Shinobu radiate strong waves of violent emotion.
The flounder rolled his eyes. “Speak for yourself. We still haven’t gotten past the first verse,” he grumbled before some small lettering at the bottom of the page caught his eye. “Hey what’s this?”
Jumping at any reason to stop practicing and hence avoid Mitsuru’s blows, Shun practically leapt on the fish and grabbed the script.
Scanning the script, Shun manages to just squeak, “Uh oh” before the said script is grabbed by Mitsuru.
“What can be so frightening?” demanded the upperclassman, as he glanced down. “Oh.”
“What is it, Mitsuru?” asked the lobster.
“Erm… nothing, Shinobu,” pacified Mitsuru. “Nothing at all… just…” he silently hands the script to his roommate to read.
Silence falls as Shinobu reads the footnote.
He looks up at the sky calmly. The others wince. “a Jamaican accent?”
(Hee hee…)
“Erm…” In a noble effort, Mitsuru attempts to change the subject. “So where’s the girl, anyway?” He glanced around.
Could it be Shun? No, he was the gull.
(What say you just move along now? Girl won’t keep you know. * heh heh*)
Shinobu didn’t move an inch. He just kept glaring at the sky.
(Sky sweatdrops)
(Okay okay… no more song. Happy now?)
“Much.” The word could have dropped icicles. Meanwhile, the scripts mysteriously disappeared in a puff of purple smoke. Behind, Shun and Hasukawa breathed a sigh of relief. Having an angry Shinobu was never a good thing to have around.
But finally after having managed to defuse (and move) Shinobu, the foursome strolled along the beach. Well more accurately, one strolled along with a lobster on his shoulder while two others panted pathetically behind as they pushed a large boat.
“Strange isn’t it?” commented Mitsuru, blissfully ignoring the wheezing behind him. “We seem to be walking for hours, but nothing seems to be happening. There is no girl in sight.” Shinobu nodded in agreement. Things were just too still.
Suddenly they paused. In the distance, the soft growl of a powerboat could be heard faintly. It was coming closer.
Mitsuru glanced at Shinobu. Finally something was happening. Could it be the little mermaid?
Shinobu’s eyes narrowed as the boat steadily approached them. In all his life had never seen a motor-boat that was painted all black, and the occupants wearing black. No one he had ever known ever did such things. No one except –
“Nagisa!!!!” yelled Mitsuru, realization finally dawning on him. “Run!!!”
A lady dressed in a chef’s cooking outfit and hat jumped out of the boat, eyes intent on the lobster. “Die Shinobu!!!!” She exclaimed, brandishing a butter knife in her hand, and bloodthirst in her eyes.
(Wait a minute!!!!!!!)
Screen freezes.
(Mel! What did you do?)
(Erm… trying to curb your violent tendencies and make sure this fic gets a PG rating? There are kids reading this fic, you know?)
(Too bad. Do I have to do everything myself?)
An average sized teenager pops onto the scene, removes the butter knife and places a wicked looking chopper in Nagisa’s hand. Turning back at her handiwork, she grins. “Much better.”
(Mel sweatdrops)
Scampering off, the screen starts to move again.
From his comfortable perch, Shinobu looked back at his enraged sibling who was screaming oaths and threats. “I wonder how she knows I’m here,” he noted, flicking a glance at his roommate who was looking for the best way to run away from Nagisa.
Mitsuru pointed wryly at a large neon arrow that was following them no matter which direction they ran. Emblazoned on the arrow as well, was the message “SHINOBU IS HERE!” written in big bold letters. “Any clues?”
“Yes, that would do it.”
It was a strange parade on that beach and for the citizens that day. Firstly, a young amber-headed boy with a lobster on his shoulder ran at top-speed, followed by a pink seagull carrying a flounder. They were chased in turn by a large group of people clothed in black, the leader of which was a frightening young woman.
Spotting a narrow opening, the residents of Greenwood ducked into it just in time to see their pursuers running past. Tossing Suka into a nearby puddle of water, they leaned back against the cave’s walls to catch their breath and discuss this latest turn of events.
“I wonder what Nagisa is doing in this fic,” Shinobu idly commented while around him, the sounds of panting could be heard.
Mitsuru looked bemused, “Could it just be another means of torture?”
“I doubt it, these fan fic writers seem a bit too conniving for that. Besides, everything seems to have some twisted logic behind it.”
Both turn as a nervous pink seagull poked a Mitsuru with his beak.
“Yes? What is it, Shun?”
“Uh, Mitsuru-sempai… I hate to be the one to bring this up, but Nagisa-san is a girl---“
While Mitsuru turned several shades of green, Shinobu stood up, sick and tired of this of this whole fiasco. He snapped testily.
“That’s it. We’re getting out of this fic. Now.” *
He glanced at his surroundings. “Hmm, I wonder just how constricted we are. Maybe we’re not that powerless. I wonder if I can manipulate this slightly.”
Speaking louder, Shinobu pondered aloud. “I wonder what I have in my shell.”
Rummaging under his shell, his claw finally emerged with a phone. “Oh look, a shell-phone.”
Mitsuru sweatdropped. “Talk about bad puns…”
(MEL! THEY’RE MAKING A BREAK FOR IT! *sounds of scrambling can be heard*)
“Look, I didn’t see you helping,” snaps Shinobu. “And I want OUT OF THIS FIC!”
“Okay, okay –“
(WE’VE GOTTA GET THEM OUT OF THE FIC NOW!!)
Suddenly, a piece of paper flutters down from the sky.
Grabbing it, Mitsuru reads, “Nice Try.”
*bing*
“Oh no… not aga…”
Phones are not allowed. Especially for lobsters.
Especially for lobster-Shinobu.
CHEATING!
Change next story <g>
*limbo formless space*
Mitsuru noticed that this time, they were alone again.
“Where are Suka and Shun?”
“Oh, they are somewhere around,” replied Shinobu smugly. “They are on a little errand I sent them…”
(Little errand?)
“Oh, there you are! I was wondering where you were!” remarked Shinobu smoothly. Besides him, Mitsuru quirked an eyebrow, but said nothing.
(Nya? Oh, I was trying to work on my project model during the quick break time in between)
“Model? So you’re in Architecture?”
(Yeah, I’ve got submissions due soon… it’s not that easy doing design…)
“Yes, it isn’t,” nodded Shinobu sympathetically. “So I assume your friend – Yen, is it? – is having a similar tough time?”
(Eh? No, no. Yen isn’t in the same course as me. She’s struggling with her corporate accounts homework. You know how Accountancy is.)
“Oh yes, yes indeed…” By this time, Shinobu’s eyes were positively gleaming already.
(Yeah, and – )
(Mel, scene’s set!!! Fixed the “Bad Jokes” loophole *you* put in. We’re ready to go! )
*reality*
Yen: Mel, is it just me or does Shinobu look a lot happier than he was before?
Mel: <looks up from model> nya? … hmm… should I put the fabric here or there…?
Yen: *suspicious* Did Shinobu say anything just now?
Mel: huh? *glances at computer screen* Oh look, it’s starting, it’s starting…
* On later reflection, the writers were surprised that the cave walls didn’t just part to let him out. Then again, it was their fic.)